I will possess your heart

"How I wish you could see the potential of you and me It's like a book elegantly bound but in a language you can't read just yet. You got to spend some time with me, love and I know that you'll find love, I will possess your heart"- Death Cab for Cutie.

Dedicated to someone who I really care at the moment. 
You know who you are.

It's been a week since you left. Well I know you have been trying to burn the bridge between us, starting on your side. But I feel like my side is stronger, stronger than you think. 

Do I have to accept the fact that you're burning it. Or I have to keep the bridge strong. I don't know.

I like the idea of being able to cross the bridge to your side and ask you out to be true.

Is it only a fantasy? Or could it be true. Only time could tell.

I don't give up easily. But I know when to stop. It's when it's not worth it. But I think you're still worth a million chances, to spend. 

Keep smiling, you will always be in my heart

1.41am Wednesday 25 September 2013

Dedicated to someone who I really care at the moment. 
You know who you are.

It was great to hear your voice yesterday, your sweet voice. That one hour phone call sweeten my soul. I know you miss me and I miss you dearly but also I don't want to crowd in your space. We are separated by oceans and time. The gap is getting bigger and I have no choice to let go and not to swim against the currents. I'm glad you met someone. It's always nice to meet someone when you're on a journey to find yourself and Someone to think about. Hope he's nice and he's taking care of you. I hope we will still be good friends. I love you dearly and I'm letting you go to release myself from the jail that I build in. I always smile looking back from the time that we spent but I won't dwell on the past too much. But you're always gonna be close to my heart, always.

12 October 2013 Saturday

9.38pm 

Dedicated to someone who I really care at the moment. 
You know who you are.

Ginger bear/ Quest for love

 Once upon a time, I met a ginger bear. he was cuddly as a teddy bear. He has a cute face, red hair and a body like a teddy bear. very cuddle. My first encounter with him was a typical grindr booty call in the middle of the night. I was on my way home and he was keen to fuck me.

Damn, it was good. I rarely bottom, but that night i was just feeling like one. He just knew how to push the button and an extensive cuddling session after. He has a very warm personality. that was a major plus point. We continued to see each other on sexual basis, and nothing more than that. We added each other on facebook, and other social media, but we never caught up as a friend. He initiated most of our meet. good sex, then cuddle, and conversation. just what i needed.

Somehow, i couldn't see myself dating him. Maybe i'm a goldilocks, i just want that is just right.
Living in Sydney, a beggar can't be a chooser. it's hard to find what i want. My basic biological need is fulfilled from time to time, The city has chosen few great sex for me, not the other way around. I can't complain though, but why hasn't Sydney chosen me "the one"?
So i have to look harder or wait til the time is right?
I can't tell, I just have to wait and looking for one that is just right.

The doctor

He is an older handsome man, with a chunky built, all muscle, killer smile, and amazing smell. I encountered him sometime last year, in the winter. I was writing up a paper in the middle of the night and somehow i ended up in his bed at 2 am in the morning.

The mood of the room was intimate, that's how i put it. candles everywhere. soft music playing, light chill out music, a type of music that always gets me turned on. He knew how to seduce a man, with his touch, with his smile.

No words are exchanged, just lust.
Lust then turned into passion. he was such a good kisser, his body was amazing to touch and he gave an incredible blow job. He was a total bottom, and very submissive. but he taught me how to please him. We shared the equal power of control, when he rode me on top, he just knew how to please me with his arse. It felt like paradise, he just knew how to control it. it made me when wild. Then when we were on the other position, he wanted me to be in charge. I started slow, passionate, love-making like then turned into full on fucking like an animal.

Then it got really intimate again.
We fucked for very long time. I had no idea how i had the energy, but when i looked at the time and the window it was already 6:30am in the morning. I got really tired, but I want to know the man who i was fucking for hours and hours. I didn't know his name, so I asked, His name is Robbie, a specialist doctor. We exchanged information about each other while i spooned him and fuck him very slowly with the only energy left and I fell asleep while i was inside him. We shared a lot in that morning, about his past relationships, his profession, life, about me and how much he loved me inside him.

Somehow i could see myself being with him. he's the kind of guy that i always wanted. Older, handsome and great sexual drive.

I woke up around midday, then he turned really cold. he wasn't as warm as 3 hours before when my eyes were closed. He turned into completely different person. He just wanted me out of the bed quickly and leave the place. polite, yet cold. not what i expected out of the man.

We showered separately, quickly get dressed and left. We would keep in touch again, and I caught up again with him but it wasn't as good as the first time. He wanted to explore the darker side, and yet i reluctant. I wanted to feel what i felt the first time around. But what he could offer me, to use him like a whore. Not the kind of sex what i want.

I also got really worried that we got too intimate that he distanced himself. He wrote me a nice love letter after we played the first time around and when I hung out at his place not long after we fuck. He just gone really cold again. I just don't get him being hot and cold.

I like him, really do. but what can i do, the first time was a splendid memory, and the rest. rubbish.
I would love to make love to this man again. maybe one day he would open up his heart, as much as he opened up his legs.

WL

Sex Life

Being young and sexually active. Life is great isn' it, with the help of technology and I know how and when to get laid. not.

As I mentioned, sex life is great, but that doesn't make life great. I slept around with a lot of people last year, I think 2012 was the year when i got really slutty, I don't want to put numbers on it, but even i'm quite scared with how many men that i have been intimate with in the last 12 months, It all slowed down now, I think i have lost a little bit interest in sex, or i'm just taking a break from it.

I felt at one stage that i'm a slave to desire and I will do whatever it takes to fulfil it. but there also times when i completely lost interest in sex. There are also frustrated times when i couldn't get hard for a hot guy in front of me. No idea. Biology is a complex thing.

Right now, i felt kinda empty, is it because i had so much of those meaningless sex and now i gotta pay the price. well, if the price to pay only includes occasional blues i don't mind, but to mention STD, well lucky enough i haven't got one, ever but I have few scare. lucky all clear, I just have to be careful with people that i kiss, i get sore throat easily.

There are times when i just want to have sex every single day of the week, i log on grindr, and other apps like scruff, or growlr or jack'd at various times of the day and i usually hit jack pot at the oddest time of the day. I call it midnight express. It was fun, hooking up with like minded people, only want to blow some load and leave. there are few times i stayed over. The sex, is mostly amazing, incredible in fact. i could write a whole book about it. but somehow, I paid the heavy price of cab fares and being a student, taxi fares in sydney are not exactly cheap. plus +20% surcharge after midnight and +10% card fees, I got broke, most of the time. I just want to jump on that cab and have sex.

I realized that this is just not healthy. Am i addicted to sex? That was the question.