Since I moved back home, I rarely get to have sex. sexual encounters are rare. Not because i don't have a lot of offers but I'm just not attracted to local boys. I find only a few of local guys are hot. Jakarta is a strange city. I don't think people a plenty of sex here. Maybe they do, on a binge, in any opportunity and any chance they get.
I honestly feeling sexually frustrated. Should i just hook up with someone that i'm not attracted to but worshipped me or should i wait til i got a chance to get away from this hell hole and release my frustrations on holiday. well as a single guy, i just don't know when i'm gonna get lucky. hooking up takes an effort, there's a lot mental checklists to tick and not to mention the cab fares. well i guess that's least of the problem. most of them comes from my own insecurities, will he accept my the way i look? my chunky figure, the fact that i smoke? and the list continues.
I'm on a strict diet now. my parents said i could be even more attractive if i work out, lose weight and gain muscle. Maybe parents know best. so i'm willing to give it a go.
Sometimes i feel that being a big boy diminishes the chances to find attractive guys on grindr. well there's always growlr, but i'm not always attracted to most of the guys there. don't get me wrong. I like my bears but there's a lot of guys who don't know to take care of themselves there. well looking at the mirror even though i have a bit of weight problem, i take care of myself, i take care of hygiene seriously, i work out a bit and i'm quite active. i have bit of muscle too. I won't be attracted to guys who looks like they don't shower for few days. and plenty of them on growlr. I just wanna hook up and date guys who has standard on their appearance. amazing personality is also a plus. more points if they're awesome. i don't think i can stand someone who's very intense, talking to me as if we were on a shrink's office. Well i think my criteria aren't that high but how come it's so hard to find a nice guy.
Maybe the fact that i only attracted to mostly white guys also narrowed down my choice. I'm not a total potato queen but i think i prefer my vanilla than other flavors. chocolates are nice, also salted caramel and coconut flavored ice cream. :)
I guess i just have to learn to be patient., control my urge, and maybe when i least expected it i will find the one.