Tuesday, March 1, 2016


What time do you call this?
I've been craning, bewildered all my days
To now find your face
Shining out of the crowd

Love was just a word
That friends didn't mention
Cause love was just a joke
Till it battered me senseless

Ohh, shrink with me, tower with me
Wither with me, flower with me
Endlessly follow me
Chew me up and swallow me

Stay at least for now with me
Drink and dance and row with me
Tell me when I go too far
Stay precisely where you are

"What Time Do You Call This?"-Elbow

Jakarta eh..

My hometown.. So far i've been here 2 years. Life is slow here, but things moving at rapid speed. I wish It could be slower, but I guess It's just me that has to keep up with the time.

I just watched the movie Man-Up on Netflix, Netflix is my new boyfriend). It's a silly romcom and Somehow it made me tear up, it's about a chance encounter that wasn't planned as once stole one's date. I figured that it was just a movie but hey sometimes reality is stranger than fiction and life does imitates art. As you know It happened to me but i was the one whose date got stolen. Haha oh well those were the times when i was a little more desperate than i am now.

I am content being single, no pressure from myself to find someone as the dating pool here sucks, and I am just focusing on myself. Well, I guess if there's more guys here that's more my type in this town to date and to fuck i wouldn't be this chilled. I felt like being Celibate is a good thing. Netflix, porn and my left hand are saviour.

When I watched the movie, I couldn't help myself wonder, I kinda miss that kind of connection. I haven't got one for a while. I miss dating, but I don't miss the rejection. The GAME, the tug-o-war the confession, the heartbreak after...

I mentioned that I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety few years back and i've been taking my meds regularly.. maybe it's one of the side effect.. that It's harder for me to connect with another human being..

Last night I had a dream, well.. Someone's been on my mind this weekend.. He just popped up from moment to moment.. A guy that met last year in Bangkok. He seemed like an ideal guy.. But yeah he's partnered now and the distance between us really sucked. He's the total opposite of me in many ways but I believe that we complete each other. Does that makes sense? I long to be with him. But He would reject me. I tried to be friends but It seems that He knew that I liked him a lot. I've got a feeling He liked me too but yeah the distance.. the gap.. It's like solving a very hard equation of love...

I should just give it up.. But I couldn't maybe time will forget the time i was with him.. just as a sweet memory, not a profound feeling that i've been holding on for a year and a half.

I think Elbow's song just summarized my feelings right now.