Sunday, December 30, 2012

Bad Dates

Over the past few years that I have been out and about in the cruel game called the gay dating world i have encountered few or not many bad dates. Most of these dates are learning experience for me. Rejection is hard and No one likes it, but hey life is hard and the more rejections i have the more i grow myself as a person. I believe that.

In Bandung, After a date with Tom, I found myself chatting with a local guy there. He was very much interested in me. I was up for a challenge to myself to have a date with a local as I felt a little insulted every single time my friend told me that I have never attracted with guys my own race, an asian man. So to proof them wrong I set a date with this guy, Gus. Gus had okay profile picture, i didn't think i was sexually attracted with him fully but i thought i could do him for a one night stand. I was dead wrong. I couldn't stand the guy at all within the first 5 minutes i met him. So Instead of a one on one date, he trapped me to actually meeting him and all of his 20 friends. The Bandung Gays, and few transexuals and their fag hags. Geez. They were nice people but not the people i could hang out with. I was in the most uncomfortable position ever and i felt trapped in a situation where i couldn't leave straight away as it would considered very rude. I hung out with them for a while and was asked a lot of uncomfortable questions. Though Gus' friends was very nice people, i could not stand Gus' personality. also i found him very unattractive, he looked very different from his profile picture also he didn't take care much of his hygiene so i could smell his strong body odour also He has flamboyant over the top sissy personality. He wears the latest ladies handbag and most of the time he didn't really make the effort to get to know me better as a friend. He ignored me most of the time and i was trapped with his friends. So when i knew i just spent enough time so i didn't want to outstay the welcome and booked a cab and left right away. I gave Gus a handshake and I took a sigh when everything was over.

I guess that was one of the worst dates i've ever had. I guess to described it in a song it was like "Wannabe" by spice girls: "If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends". :-)

That date was bad was not the worst. The worst one was In Shanghai, Where i met his guy who had a picture of himself 10 years ago as profile and looked very different as if it was different person. I met him at an expat neighbourhood called Gubei and it was miles away from French concession where i stayed. It took an effort to get there and turned out to be a wasted effort as We knew the first 15 minutes we were just lost of words. He was a bigger guy, and expat who lived there for 2 years. He was a superchub and I couldn't stand his personality. He also did not make the effort to get to know me better but it was too late to bail out on him as we have ordered our meal. We were quiet the whole dinner and He ran out of question and he asked me how many siblings I have. So that's it. We couldn't stand each other and get desserts so he asked for the bill and he did the cheapest thing ever, he texted his friend to call him so he could pretend that he had an emergency and had to leave straight away. I was in awe on how obvious it was that he just wanted to get out of there, though he got the bill to compensate me feeling uncomfortable for 45 minutes but still He has no manners to do such things. I said thanks, jumped into a cab and never looked back.

There was a similar stories, here in Sydney few months back. It was spring and I had a chat with this guy on grindr who found me attractive, he was a younger guy, 19 years old, Italian background. An aspiring singer he claimed. I thought he looked cute but also looked very different in person. He lied about his height and I just couldn't stand his over the top personality. He smoked like a chimney and he had this cockiness coming out of him. He said just to have recently lost 40 kgs in few months and he just had a newfound confidence. We tried hard to get to know each other but We both couldn't i guess i was just turned off right away, by the fact that he gave up his education to pursue a celebrity ambition to become a singer, he thinks getting drunk at oxford street every weekend is cool, and He thinks that became a Mc Donald's manager was an achievement. He was kind of full of himself and told me stories which i don't think i could believe and He also told me that his family situation was not very good financially and he had never once in his life to be in an airplane. For me he was just this narrow minded kid who needs to broaden his horizon, I could not blame him due to his age and experience though I guess he jus need to grow up a little more. Although i was quite impressed that he works hard to earn a living independently, but the way he spends his money unwisely just cancels all the good qualities in him.
At the end, he was decent enough to make the efforts to get to know me but naturally i couldn't open up to him. So we parted ways when his friends arrived in oxford st for clubbing with him. We both know sure that we wouldn't see each other anymore though he was decent enough to be civil and decent to me. Lesson for me that night. never agree on a date with someone that young. period.

These are just stories from coffee dates and not hookups. I also met a few bad hookups but that's another story. These bad date stories just make me grow as a person and let myself out of the fear of rejection. It makes me master the art of having a date with someone which the way i put it is like having a glass of wine out of the bottle. You know exactly how to distinguish a bad wine but hard to distinguished in between decent and good wine. Therefore to decide to get drunk for the second one onwards takes a careful consideration :-)

But i guess the worst one i had was few years back and it only lasted few minutes. I agreed to meet this guy on a pub one afternoon and the whole date lasted 3 minutes. I though he was into me and the conversation but i guess when he looked into my pockets and saw a cigarette pack stamped against my trousers it was his cue to leave. He just said that he needed to go and that's it he ran like a cheetah. I had never met anyone that rude before, the best thing he could tell me was just tell me the truth that it wouldn't work out I am mature enough to take it.

The whole experience makes me even more mature and learn more about people's personality and behaviour. I know that in the long road of finding love the challenges are even greater each day and i'm glad i have a lot of experience out of it to overcome my fear and maybe one day find the one.


ps: So my dear readers, tell me about the worst date you've ever had. I will be very excited to hear your stories. xx

Bandung: The Cheesecake Date

During my stay in Jakarta I made few side trip out of town for few days to Bandung. A hillside city 100km from Jakarta. The purpose of the visit: To visit my best friend who just moved there, True purpose of the visit: To have a date with a guy that i had chats online with for weeks.

His name is Tom, an English teacher who lives in Bandung, I had a chat with with him on Grindr when I was in Gili Trawangan. His profile picture interests me and we soon became fast buddy over discussion on relationship, travel, and literature. I felt connected with him during a chat that day and soon I asked him out on a date due in 10 days time. He sent me risque pictures of him and replied back the same. I felt attracted to him even though i had never met him. Maybe i have soft spot for a ginger. As i got back to Jakarta i texted him back to confirm our meet. He was still up for it and We settled on a venue, Hotel Malya for a cheesecake date. :) Hotel Malya has the best baked cheesecake in the country.   It is my favorite desert in town and i couldn't wait til I meet him in person. The intention of our meet wasn't very clear. Was it gonna be a date and hookups after or just a friendly one but i kept my fingers crossed hoping it would be a good one because i couldn't spare the disappointment if it were a bad date.

The day arrived, my bags were packed and my driver drove 2 hours through the scenic route between Bandung and Jakarta. I confirmed our date and he sent me his number. My friend was thrilled to see me. I was staying at her place for 2 nights but i would only meet him on the first night as he has plans during my second and third day. Before I met him, i did a little background check on him. I asked my former teacher if he knows about Tom, turned out I had met him long time ago when i was a student. he was one of the visiting teacher and I told my teacher at that time if Tom and him were going out as I thought of Tom was a cutie back then. Oh well my teacher remembered that clearly and told me the tale again. Maybe that's why i felt that he was very familiar, it was someone that i had met before. A schoolboy crush. x So the feelings were pure and the intentions were good :)

When i met him in that hotel coffee shop, I felt attraction coming from me instantly, He was friendly, and soft-spoken. My heart melts instantly. He was very worldly, he had lived around the world and speaks 6 different languages. He told me his experiences in different countries and how much he loves Indonesia. He's a Canadian, moved to France for University stayed there for awhile and Travelled around after, then He was teaching English in China, lived in Beijing for few years. Speaks the language fluently with Beijing accent. then moved to Bandung 6 years ago. He likes the guys there, but after 6 years, he hasn't been in a relationship yet. though he ever mentioned to me that Long Term relationship is his ultimate goal. Maybe he hasn't found the right one yet, but I figure a guy like him should have someone special in his life as he possess amazing personality and charm. As we went further through our conversation, he had to cut it short because he needed to meet someone after urgently. I wondered could it be another date but then he smiled at me and showed me a picture of a 2 years old on his phone. I was quite stoked as if i were just had a date with a married man. He told me that the son is biologically his and he's not married and he's a single dad. He knew i was gonna ask more questions but he had to run and told me that he would tell me more about his son later. We parted ways and we hugged.

After the date i felt that i just had a bomb dropped on me. Will i ever be able to date someone with kids was the question that ran through my head all the time that night. Then it came, the butterfly in my stomach, the heart beating faster all night. I think he charmed me to the core that i couldn't stop thinking about him that night. I want him badly but i think the circumstances makes it harder, and I don't know for sure if he's attracted to me and felt the same was as i did.

I went back to Jakarta in few days time still thinking about him. I then decided to come back there for a second date 2 weeks after the first meet. I told him i'm coming back to meet him and he welcomed the idea, but then he told me this "I should warn you that i'm dating someone now but would still like to hang out with you. I enjoyed your company" Yikes. I think i just felt heartbroken right there. Oh well, After the Aaron drama i think i was stronger than ever but I thought what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger so i proceed with another coffee with him.

The second time we met, he seemed to be more relaxed and the air between us was cleared. The first time around i was very nervous as i was attracted to him and now we are both know that this was just going to be friendship for us and nothing more. He then told me that he decided to have a baby few years back without going into details, His son was born and he loves being a father. We shared and talked over cheesecake and coffee like two old friends. I asked about the guy that he's seeing. So He made it official with him just after i met him the first time around. So i guess it all changed in few weeks time. I think at that time i couldn't be happier for him and I let go all my feelings.

After few hours of conversation, it was time to part ways, he dropped me back to my friend's mansion and we promised to keep in touch which we did after i got back in Sydney we had few conversation via whatsapp over the year. I think he knew very much that i was attracted to him but I don't think he felt the same way. I think i have grown over this experience. I think a crush is the sweetest feeling ever, and i'm glad i met him and It turned out to be best if we never had started anyting, except a beautiful friendship.