Bandung: The Cheesecake Date

During my stay in Jakarta I made few side trip out of town for few days to Bandung. A hillside city 100km from Jakarta. The purpose of the visit: To visit my best friend who just moved there, True purpose of the visit: To have a date with a guy that i had chats online with for weeks.

His name is Tom, an English teacher who lives in Bandung, I had a chat with with him on Grindr when I was in Gili Trawangan. His profile picture interests me and we soon became fast buddy over discussion on relationship, travel, and literature. I felt connected with him during a chat that day and soon I asked him out on a date due in 10 days time. He sent me risque pictures of him and replied back the same. I felt attracted to him even though i had never met him. Maybe i have soft spot for a ginger. As i got back to Jakarta i texted him back to confirm our meet. He was still up for it and We settled on a venue, Hotel Malya for a cheesecake date. :) Hotel Malya has the best baked cheesecake in the country.   It is my favorite desert in town and i couldn't wait til I meet him in person. The intention of our meet wasn't very clear. Was it gonna be a date and hookups after or just a friendly one but i kept my fingers crossed hoping it would be a good one because i couldn't spare the disappointment if it were a bad date.

The day arrived, my bags were packed and my driver drove 2 hours through the scenic route between Bandung and Jakarta. I confirmed our date and he sent me his number. My friend was thrilled to see me. I was staying at her place for 2 nights but i would only meet him on the first night as he has plans during my second and third day. Before I met him, i did a little background check on him. I asked my former teacher if he knows about Tom, turned out I had met him long time ago when i was a student. he was one of the visiting teacher and I told my teacher at that time if Tom and him were going out as I thought of Tom was a cutie back then. Oh well my teacher remembered that clearly and told me the tale again. Maybe that's why i felt that he was very familiar, it was someone that i had met before. A schoolboy crush. x So the feelings were pure and the intentions were good :)

When i met him in that hotel coffee shop, I felt attraction coming from me instantly, He was friendly, and soft-spoken. My heart melts instantly. He was very worldly, he had lived around the world and speaks 6 different languages. He told me his experiences in different countries and how much he loves Indonesia. He's a Canadian, moved to France for University stayed there for awhile and Travelled around after, then He was teaching English in China, lived in Beijing for few years. Speaks the language fluently with Beijing accent. then moved to Bandung 6 years ago. He likes the guys there, but after 6 years, he hasn't been in a relationship yet. though he ever mentioned to me that Long Term relationship is his ultimate goal. Maybe he hasn't found the right one yet, but I figure a guy like him should have someone special in his life as he possess amazing personality and charm. As we went further through our conversation, he had to cut it short because he needed to meet someone after urgently. I wondered could it be another date but then he smiled at me and showed me a picture of a 2 years old on his phone. I was quite stoked as if i were just had a date with a married man. He told me that the son is biologically his and he's not married and he's a single dad. He knew i was gonna ask more questions but he had to run and told me that he would tell me more about his son later. We parted ways and we hugged.

After the date i felt that i just had a bomb dropped on me. Will i ever be able to date someone with kids was the question that ran through my head all the time that night. Then it came, the butterfly in my stomach, the heart beating faster all night. I think he charmed me to the core that i couldn't stop thinking about him that night. I want him badly but i think the circumstances makes it harder, and I don't know for sure if he's attracted to me and felt the same was as i did.

I went back to Jakarta in few days time still thinking about him. I then decided to come back there for a second date 2 weeks after the first meet. I told him i'm coming back to meet him and he welcomed the idea, but then he told me this "I should warn you that i'm dating someone now but would still like to hang out with you. I enjoyed your company" Yikes. I think i just felt heartbroken right there. Oh well, After the Aaron drama i think i was stronger than ever but I thought what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger so i proceed with another coffee with him.

The second time we met, he seemed to be more relaxed and the air between us was cleared. The first time around i was very nervous as i was attracted to him and now we are both know that this was just going to be friendship for us and nothing more. He then told me that he decided to have a baby few years back without going into details, His son was born and he loves being a father. We shared and talked over cheesecake and coffee like two old friends. I asked about the guy that he's seeing. So He made it official with him just after i met him the first time around. So i guess it all changed in few weeks time. I think at that time i couldn't be happier for him and I let go all my feelings.

After few hours of conversation, it was time to part ways, he dropped me back to my friend's mansion and we promised to keep in touch which we did after i got back in Sydney we had few conversation via whatsapp over the year. I think he knew very much that i was attracted to him but I don't think he felt the same way. I think i have grown over this experience. I think a crush is the sweetest feeling ever, and i'm glad i met him and It turned out to be best if we never had started anyting, except a beautiful friendship.

WL