How do you get over something you never had
One of my pastimes is to watch some random videos on youtube and i found a trailer for a short movie called "Requited" I haven't watched the film (not available yet) but the film's plot pose this question "How do you get over something you never had?" It just hit me and made me question myself even more.
There's a lot of things happened to me over these past few months, things that i haven't wrote here but it's all about the questions that i need to answer in my own time.
Ollie has a new boyfriend, we started to grew apart. I knew that it's gonna happen soon enough and i felt prepared for it. No, i wasn't heartbroken thank god. We had our moments together and decided to become just friends. I didn't feel anything. I met them couple weeks ago and the new boyfriend was okay. an older korean guy, a cub. He seemed nice and i guess exactly what Ollie needs. I think i do care about Ollie but i've never loved him enough to start anything and we're just friends. I used to like him a lot, but now it seemed that everything was too late, and I don't think i even want him now, maybe later and back then but not at this moment. I felt like i need to grow some distance to him, and give him some space as he's dating this guy and i don't want to make trouble for them by sparking some jealousy.
JP a.k.a Mr.Big a.k.a the italian. That's another story. i've moved on far beyond my expectations. but honestly, why i do kept having flashback of feelings for him. that's quite scary to think about in broad daylight. I've forgiven the guy but why i still haven't got over the fact that he rejected me for that thai cunt. I saw his fb profile again and the thai guy posted 7 more pictured into his profile. didn't know what his intention was, but i guess it made me emotional. i would never get him back, it's decided. but then why all these feelings coming back to me? Oh shit i'm in trouble. Maybe i should delete all contacts with him. but will be fair for him? or maybe i don't have the heart to do so. when enough is enough for me.
the picture depicted thousand words. hmm.. that's what i want. lying in bed after making love feeling relaxed and having deep conversation. The pillow talk.