Depression

I think i have to come clean,

the reason why i haven't blogged much in the past years was because i was battling with depression.
It is something that i've been battling for the last couple of years, a demon inside me that i battle to each and everyday. I have been treated accordingly but being on the meds and getting through life is not easy. There are times that i just couldn't cope with things, even the slightest task.

I moved back home with my folks and It made me feel better but there are always new challenges with living with parents.

I am anxious most of the time, anxious about life, the future. about love, about carrer, about everything that matters and things that shouldn't matter to me.

I often think of an escape from this jail that i've built but it's not easy to go through the blueprint that i've built. I felt powerless.

It took a toll on relationship that i had with people among me. I've been distant with my friends, family, and lovers.

I realised that i coped my anxiety with  sex and dating, hoping that it would make myself feel better, but no. it made me feel even more empty.

That room in my heart that is not filled with anything, it was just contempt.

I think i've come to term to learn to love myself first than the others.