le weekend, objectified part deux
Weekend. Finally, after a week from hell. 4 assignments and projects due at the same week and visitors from another country. They were my aunt and uncle. I hate them.
It was a great weekend as usual, great food, great friends, maybe lack of great sex but didn't matter, at least i had fun. It was the weekend that i was waiting for all week. A lot of things happened during a week. I didn't have time to update this blog, and My aunt and uncle kept lecturing me about my future. The talk, the dreadful talk about future. It wasn't the future that i'm scared of, but it's the present. I wasn't doing very well at school last semester and might push my graduation date for another semester. I didn't hate myself for it, but the talk reminded me for how much i have been a failure. My parents, and the rest of my family thinks of me of an investment. That was all about, The talk with my aunt and uncle. They reminded me how much money i had spent in the past 3 years. well, the amount was staggering, six figures but then it wasn't the money that made me felt really down, it was the lack of faith that they had faith in me. My uncle and aunt didn't support me, but they made the money for my family as my dad has shares in the company, which the money partly pays for my education. so yes, it was family money so they think they have the right to put me in the corner. Maybe they had the right to be upset and concerned, but then again they never have any faith in me. I even had a doubt that they (the family, mom and dad) actually love me in the first place. They do care, but it's all about how much money they had spent. I am being objectified. It was not the first time i felt objectified last week. After i saw what was going on my last post, I felt a little gutted. My whole life, am i actually treated as an object, as a 'thing'? My family think of me as an investment, so when the time i graduated from university and had a job means the investment turns profitable, and Some guys think of me as a rare asian cub that they hunt on the woods called Sydney. Life is hard, getting harder for me. I had some blues, but it was just something i had to deal with. I didn't feel angry but I was just totally annoyed with the situation. Finally, i get the truth, about me, myself, and i
Back to the weekend. It was great that the dreadful week ended. My aunt and uncle went back home after my cousin graduation (their purpose for being here) and I finished my projects, and Spent the weekend with my special friend, miss pinkcommunist who is going back to Beijing. She is a little older than me and we have been hanging out a lot since couple months ago. I had known her for more than a year now and We had been through a lot of things. We share, we laughed, we cried together. We comfort each other. She was there after the breakup and I was there with her too. We were heartbroken almost at the same time and we sorta healed each other. She taught me things about life and love. It's all very valuable. Something that I will not forget for the rest of my life. Spending the weekend with her is always the highlight of my week. I introduced Ollie to her a week after i met him, Ollie worked in beijing before Sydney so they have something substantial in common and they like each other.
|Knut looks like this guy in the picture|
At Karaoke, It was fun times, i re-discovered my passion for rapping. haha. ollie said i was the worst rapper ever, but i was having fun. We sang "I'm coming home" by Diddy feat Skylar Grey. such a great song, "I know my kingdom awaits, they have forgiven my mistakes.." felt homesick a little, miss pinkcommunist was very homesick and we sang this song together, but then again do i actually have a home now? oh well, home is where i am now. I have grown so much from that chubby insecure spoilt guy into who i am now. After karaoke, miss pinkcommunist went home and left the three of us. We head out to oxford st. Not my favorite place for a night out. Ollie's choice. He took us to midnight shift. In my whole life, i've only been there twice because ollie took me there. Never like gay bars, not really my scene. My head was a little fucked and i wasn't really mood for dancing. Knut danced awkwardly cute, a hipster cub dancing to some electro bullshit, that was just way too cute and Ollie danced as usual, very slutty and at one point he made a little move on me. Haha.. if this was all about bonding before the menage a troi, Didn't really work out for me. I was a little quiet and gotten really sober. So we ended the night at 4.30am It was an okay night, not a blast but not bad at all.
I woke up quite late, i texted Ollie whether we could have dinner. I often go to the city and getting my cheap cigarettes at a chinese shop in chinatown and meet Ollie for a meal. He said, "Yes pleasee :)" We had dinner at an italian restaurant in the spanish quarter. The food wasn't great but the conversation and the company were great. Plus they had special outdoor area for smokers. We shared a lot. I told him that i felt a little objectified the other week after what i saw on Knut's blog. He said, There's nothing that i have to worry because He thinks that i'm cute. and other person think i'm cute as well. Maybe there's some part of me isn't very comfortable being regarded as cute but other people. Ah the whole lot confident issue all over again!! What is cute anyway? isn't beauty just a skin deep? I gave him a smile and asked him whether he actually thinks of me as a piece of meat? like he actually hangs out with me because i'm cute and a rare breed of an asian cub? He denied of couse, but maybe it's just some part of me that felt a little insecure that i'm seeing a super cute guy who likes me. I had a dream last night, We were in a restaurant and he had full attention of the servers because he's cute and all of them ignored me. It's most likely to happen in real life. Myabe i'm insecure. I don't know. Just need to build it up and prove that i'm more than a piece of meat and an investment.
I hope this week will get better.
Have a great week everyone!