Monday, March 21, 2011

I'm a nice person.

"I'm a nice person!", that's what Ollie always tells everyone, including me. He is nice, but is he good? hmm.. that's another question. He's always very polite to everyone and it's no surprise that everyone loves him and wants to be his friend. But also in the other hand, he's quite arrogant, but then again at my age arrogance is something that we can get away with all the time. Especially when he has something that not everyone has, good looks, brain (graduated with first class honors at the age of 20), good jobs (investment banking), and 'nice' mannerism. So he has everything, and he has nothing to prove.

Last weekend, i'm just hanging out with my friend. She's a special friend, We have been for each other for months going through rough time, Ollie is also a friend of hers. After all the text messages that he sent to me, i was wondering, what was he doing? Is he playing games and trying to make me jealous, because clearly i don't give a fuck. I really like him, but it's up to him if he wants to fuck someone else, and I won't feel hurt. So yesterday, I had dinner with my friend first before we got together with Ollie.He didn't text me  but texted her instead. I told her the story about him sending me those messages and She said that he wouldn't do it if he doesn't have any strong feelings for me, and She also notice that He has this "loving" look towards me. Shit, i think i'm freaking out a little. It's not because he's in love with me but because I just don't wanna be in a position where i'm gonna get hurt at the end with his mind games.
So i just act cool  for now and distract myself from this. My friend also told me that Ollie must had been quite embarrassed to text me after the night before that's why he sent her messages instead.

We got together for chai latte after dinner. Me, my friend and Ollie. He just had a haircut and he's even cuter. We were just hanging out til quite late at night, talking about stuff. I kissed his forehead. and gave him a hug during. It was just a sweet gestures i did while we were watching movies. He told me it was sweet, but He would get freak out as well if he gets the wrong idea of what  was doing. I wanted to do it genuinely, out of my instinct, not to play games with him.  We called it a night around 2:30am, it was a great night, just tea, movie and great convos. I will miss her much because my friend will go back for good to her hometown in couple of months.

I hugged him while we were inside the lift, and I walked him home. I;'ve never been to his place though, after more than a month hanging out with him. he asked me couple of times but i always refused. I went there because i was busting to pee. So i had to go up to his apartment whom he shares with 2 other people. After i went to the bathroom, i approached him and I kissed him, but instead of he's kissing me back he was reluctant and he was kicking me out of his apartment slowly and showing me the door. It wasn't a nice gesture, but what the hell i thought, maybe He was just tired and not in the mood for being intimate. Well, I wanted to do was just to kiss him good night. I wasn't pissed or annoyed but It's just wasn't very nice of him to do that. I went back home with cab as it was raining hard that night.

As i got home, I went back studying, and he saw me online. I thought that he was already asleep, but he told me that he wanted to update his blog. then he told me this. "Im still nice" then i answered, "You are nice, what are you taking about?" "haha, despite me kicking you out of my home" "Oh yea, i'm upset now why did you do that. haha, kidding" "cuz i need to go to sleep" I said, i understand. Well, i would kick someone out too, so there's no surprise there. but I think this is the first time that he's not being nice to me. I wonder, he's doing that just to play games with me or he was just tired. haha i want that left unanswered and try to forget about it.

he told me to not fall in love with him, it's something that i have to respect. and i old him the same way too. Is he actually in denial that he loves me but doesn't want to hurt me and hurt himself. I don't think at this stage we would take ourselves further. I might have to keep distance with him though, just to be sane again.

The verdict is. Mr.Nice person isn't that nice after all, but that's fine. Nice is different that good. He's still a good person in front of me, at least he's not a damaged goods like guys that i was seeing in the past.

have a great week everyone. Happy Monday.


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