Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Expectations and Disappointments

I never really expect too much from someone. In a way that is a good thing but it's not always the case. My parents brought me up with low expectations and high hopes. They never have really expect too much from me. I grew up to be someone with low ambitions and I loathe ambitious people. But I have never been happy with myself completely. My mood changes, some part of me are satisfied with life at one moment, the other strife for more.

As I grew older, I expect much from myself, and less from other people. I always knew that whenever i expect other people something, i always get disappointed at the end. Hoping and expecting is a different thing, and i know from an early age to differentiate them. It started from empty promises from my parents. then betrayal from friends and being stood up on a date. well, that's just the beginning of the drama when i expect something from someone. I never promise if i don't assure myself to deliver, i guess some people never gets the point.

The last time i expect something from a guy, he made me felt like i had never felt before. It was definitely a great feeling. I didn't expect much but as the feeling grew unexpectedly, I expect much more. I didn't get what i expect at the end, and It left me disappointed. I felt hurt, he never knew. It was my fault, or no one's fault because it wasn't unexpected. but i learned my lesson. I accept that pain, it's called The heartbreak. At least he taught me something very powerful. It was the first time in my 21 years of life that i've experienced something that powerful and groundbreaking. I guess i have to thank him for that. I have moved on, but not completely. I still think about him, but I have let go all my expectations, i knew all along that it's going to get me disappointed, but i was addicted to the pain. The event was the most memorable thing i've ever felt and that city will be in memory together.

I have grown up since the event. I will try not to expect anything from anyone anymore, it will be hard but i guess to be surprised by how life is going to take me is better than my expectation comes true.

Well, I guess i never know what's going to happen in this holiday. Wait and see, don't expect much.



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