This is the thing.

"I don't know if you noticed anything different
It's getting dark and it's getting cold and the nights are getting long
I don't know if you even noticed at all
That I'm long gone baby, I'm long gone

And the things that keep us apart keep me alive and
The things that keep me alive keep me alone" - FINK

I'm on Holiday at the moment, away from Sydney for 3 weeks. It's feels nice to be back at home. Tropical weather, familiar faces, comforting food. There's a lot of things happened in months of not blogging, i've been wanting to blog but i couldn't pour all my thoughts into writing. 

Few weeks go, I met up with Mr.Big again. we've been hanging out for few times after the break up. nothing happened. just friends. People asked me how can i be friends with a guy who hurt me and rejected me? I have  no idea but one thing that i know, I've moved on for sure. 

We met up for a movie a week a go, It was cold sydney night. He hanged out a little bit before the movie, we drank wine, smoked up and watch the tv. we cuddled, it was so cold and we kept each other warm but nothing happened. He flirted with me and i flirted back. I didn't want to start all over again with him but he hinted by his action. I'm over him, but it was nice to have him as a company. He's still the same, his touch, his smell, his smile. I didn't regret spending time with him. I've got nothing to lose.

I asked him about his Thai islandboilover, the guy who stole him from me. He said that they're no longer "together" but still talking. The guy was mad jealous of me, He told me few months ago, I felt content, it boosted my ego and confidence. 

We held hands, we cuddled, we kept each other warm, I felt nothing. It all felt so familiar. I think he's trying to get me back. Did he regret with all the things that he did to me. I got hurt but I've moved on. I don't want to start anything with him anymore. or continue with what we left off.

He's a nice person but I couldn't see myself being with him. there's no future in him, or in us.

What we had was special but That's all about it.