Saturday, May 14, 2011

The dream

Sorry for lack of updates, but nothing really interesting has been happening lately except of last night. The cuddling still continues but still no sex and i'm officially on the drought for more than 2 months now.

Yesterday night was my best friend's solo exhibition, everyone was there including Ollie. We are really good friends now and nothing more. I think he made it clear and i made it clear that we wont have sex anymore. We still value our friendship more than anything, so those had to stop. We see each other about twice a week and spend most of the weekends I stayed over at his place few times in the past few weeks and share the bed with him. Nothing happened, just simply plain old fashioned cuddling. Not that i want to have something more, but it was comfortable to te point it was getting too comfortable. I respect his space and I need my own too.

I stopped liking him and the desire to pursue him romantically died couple weeks ago, it was alright, i prefer long-lasting friendship rather than short-lived romance. We had one before and The sparks was gone after a few weeks. Last night after the exhibition, we were both really tired i was gonna go home, we shared a cab because his house was on the way. He invited me to spend the night and to watch 'A Single Man'. So we did, and When we both go to sleep we cuddled each other the whole night. I like cuddling him, he has the perfect body size as a body pillow, and he's not too bone-y, so it was comfortable. I got too comfortable i think. So i dream something really weird. An erotic dream. I haven't had erotic dream for so long. It was about me fucking him and i felt really real. I enjoyed it, but it felt too weird. and it ended abruptly when his alarm went off. Eurgh.

I felt weird all day and thinking about it, and i didn't tell him until i saw him again this afternoon for coffee. I decided to tell him because it might mean nothing or something, but I don't want to hold it so i told him about it and I said "Well you know, I won't do it with you anymore because you don't wanna kiss me anymore and i've lost interest in you". Well it was a gamble that i have to take to protect our friendship. I can't see myself being with him and hurt him or get myself heartbroken. dating him is convenient, but i think i don't wanna take that route. too easy to fall apart. I also respect him more as a person rather than someone that i can fuck easily. He's a friend and nothing more. A cuddle buddy maybe but no more than that.

Last night at the exhibition, He was sorta my plus one. Most of my friends thought that he's my boyfriend but he's not. He's a perfect arm candy to bring for an event. :) Hahaha. I kept everyone guessing but I told everyone that he's not my boyfriend and told some of my close friends that i used to sleep with him couple of times but nothing really happen romantically. One friend told me that Me and Ollie are just too young and too hot to have a relationship. Maybe it's true, too young to love. lol.

I just need to forget about a dream and get myself laid, but i think i should be really proud of myself if i don't sleep with anyone until i found the right guy to do it. Will i last that long? I should challenge myself for it.

Have a great weekend everyone.


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