I haven't written much but i should keep record of everything. I hate it that i don't write much whenever i'm in a good position but i always write in an emotional position. So I have to write about what has been happening in the past week. I just want to keep record of everything in this blog before the year closes. Things have been up and down with my Mr.Big. I know him much better now. Now i know what kind of person he is. So 2 weeks ago, He invited me to go a drink with his best friends. It was great meeting his friends, I made really good impression to them. It was not my kind of place. Beresford hotel on saunday evening. I was a little reluctant to go, but i thought i was just gonna say hi to them. I had a drink and he told me he wanted me to meet his other friend, his fag hag. So off we went, We just dropped by, didn't spent much time there but at least he opened up to me to see his world. We went on a supper in the city, My favorite restaurant. They were all impressed by my choice of place and I know the tricks to jump out the queue so We were all happy about it. At that time, I was dying to sleep with him. So i asked him if he wanted to stay over. He said he couldn't the reason because his ex left him their dog to take care because the ex was on a trip overseas. I felt totally annoyed about it. that means that he has baggage to take care of, Oh well, the chance of me sleeping with him will be rare in the future. But i just let it go, all my emotions were not important as him has to carry al his baggage.
Couple days after, He texted me in Italian, asking me to go out on a dinner with him. I said yes, i was super excited that day because I just got a job and he said that it's a reason to celebrate. He asked me to go to his place first so we could go to the city together. So i agreed to go to his place where he lives with his mom. When i got there, it was not a good situation. he was just lying on the bed watching Tv and ignored me. I joined him on the bed and he didn't wanted to move. I really hate the feeling. and to be honest, I was really horny but I couldn't do much about it because lack of privacy. It left me more and more frustrated, I confronted him a little, and asked him why he was acting this way. He said he just had dinner and he could hardly move. In my mind, it's all WTF. so i said to him, if you don't want to have dinner with me why would you bother asking me to come to his place. He then get dressed and ready to leave. I saw the tiredness in his eyes and he's just not into it. I said again to him, "Look, If you don't want to go out with me it's fine. let's do raincheck another time.". He was only wearing boxer shorts and ugly t-shirt. so halfway to the city I asked him whether he had another pants to change because if he;'s going to supper with me he's not dressed appropriately. He then stopped the car and changed, He said "Look, I don't want to embarrass you" and He agreed to go for supper with me. In front of the restaurant, I still have doubts about him having late night meal with me. I was starving at the time and he already had his meal in couple hours. I made sure that he was really into it or else it would be pointless if i force him to do something that he was just not into. If he wouldn't wanted to go, it would be fine with me. His mood changed completely, maybe i was a little too strong on him, He suddenly really into it. I brought up the subject that he was acting like a complete asshole the other week when he cried in front of me at the restaurant. He said he apologized for it. he couldn't remember what he said to me but I still remember clearly and I know that he didn't mean it. He apologized again if he hurt my feelings and i accept it gladly. We had a quite enjoyable dinner. I payed the bill. We had quite a conversation after dinner. I saw it in his eyes that he really likes me and into me. He asked a lot of questions about my interests, my favorite movie, and music, He has the bigger idea of what kind of person i am. From his stories and what i saw, most of the guys that he dated or in a relationship with was not even similar like me. I felt special in a way. but then again, i might be a guy who has a heart of steel and he has a heart of glass. He opened up a lot to me that he is a pathetic person. He feels like a failure in these couple of years. I assure him that i don't expect much from him and likewise. but I said to him that He has me for the moment, and that's the most important thing. I like spending time with him, i feel the comfort. He's a nice guy but just has too many baggage in his life. His ex, his job, his loneliness, his debt, and so many people rely too much on him. I can feel his burden but i wouldn't dare to actually help him carry it. it's not my interest to do so.
We parted ways and we kissed, clearly that he couldn't stay over because of the dog but before we parted I asked him whether he still wants to kiss me, he said yes. I asked him again whether he wants to sleep with me again. He said yes. It was quite an assurance that he wants me in his life for the moment and I want the same thing too. It was a nice night, I didn't get to sleep with him but I get to know him better. He said that his old age and lack of ambition drove him to treat me badly that night, He was really sorry about it. When we parted, he was a little teary. In my mind, hmm.. he is really pathetic. :)