Monday, December 13, 2010

Recent part.3

Last Wednesday, He bbm me in the morning, He asked me if i wanted to go for a quick trip to the another city that evening. Without asking the purpose, I agreed. I had nothing to do that evening as i'm on holiday. He picked me up after work around 5pm, it's quite a long journey 200km roundtrip on the same day. I didn't expect anything. He was clearly tired afterwork, I didn't know why he was doing this trip if he was flat tired like that. Around 30 minutes after he picked me up, I asked him why he's asking me to go, He told me his ex left something at their friend's place last weekend and he's getting what they left that night. In my mind, I had mixed emotions about it. I wasn't jealous, but clearly i was a little irritated. The ex has disability, and They were together for 7 years. I just simply can't compete with that. Most of the whole journey i was mute. One side of my brain wanted to scream and question why is he being so damn nice to the ex but in the other side of my brain tells me to just enjoy the ride. We didn't say anything much, most of the time we were smoking, holding hands and listening to pink floyd. I shed a tear, i didn't know why clearly, i guess it was the music and the situation making me emotional. He didn't know. We hold each other hands for the whole journey. I guess, it's the journey that makes the trip not the destination. I enjoyed the journey, it was long and a little painful but I think it's worth the trip. i was an expression but also a literal feeling of me at that time. When we reached his friend's house, I didn't expect anything, i thought we were going to just pick up the thing and leave. maybe stayed for dinner and say hello. He introduced me to his friends, They were great. Very eclectic. We drank a home brew liquor and have nice conversations. We stayed there for almost 3 hours. Then we made the trip back. I enjoyed meeting his friends, I didn't regret a single second spending time with him.

On the journey way back, we held hands like we were on the way there. I can see fatigue in his eyes. I feel his exhaustion. I just couldn't help it wonder why is it his duty to do such thing. My brain is telling me something. The plan was to drop the thing to his ex and back home. But it was simply too late and he was tired. I looked at the sunroof, The stars were so beautiful. I've never seen anything quite like it. Maybe because we were in the countryside. I looked at the stars and try not to think about it much further. His ex called him on our way back when we stopped at mcdonald's to get something to eat. He didn't want me to hear their conversations, he was gone for couple minutes and i moved further away from him to give him some privacy. I was wondering, they have such an incredible bond that no-one is able to break it. The ex has a partner but he's always been dependent to him. I told myself again i can't compete with the ex. It's impossible. I asked him is he still in love with his ex, he answered no. But i can feel that he's half lying. he corrected again, "of couse, as a friend". I asked him was it painful breaking up with him? he said no. It was slow and painless. In my mind, He was lying but I put a blind eye on it. It doesn't matter anymore. I have a clear idea what he's like as a person. He is someone who is just being way too nice to everyone that he loves. and I don't think i am included yet. It doesn't matter anymore, i'm done being curious about him. All the cards were already opened. Not sure if making further moves is worth it.



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