Saturday, December 11, 2010

Recent part.1

Me and Mr.Big has been hanging out again for almost 3 weeks now. Everything is great i guess. I just don't want to expect to much but our definitely our relationship is getting stronger and stronger. Last week, the communication between us wasn't so great. I guess because he was busy and i worried. I was a little anxious because He didn't contact me at all for a few days, and my heart gets a little hurt when i saw that he's been online in one of the gay sites. I shouldn't but i just can't helped it. Did he get jealous the fact that i was online too or I was just worrying too much, but I figured he's going to Thailand for holiday in 2 weeks. Seriously, If i have the money right now i might surprise him and followed him, but i know it's just not possible.

I made a mistake, i told my friend about him and i questioned whether he likes me genuinely or just playing around with me. he hadn't really told me about what he wants for me. So i was just simply clueless and keep guessing meaning I might lose my head so i stopped. I listened to my friend's advice which i shouldn't. I should've followed my guts, my instinct more than a friend. She told me if i wanted to test him out whether he likes me or not, I should ignore him back for 3 days. and I did. My head wasn't clear, i became obsessed with him. I thought he was ignoring me too but I also ignored him. I got obsessed by him at that time, I felt like I was going insane. I listened to Morrissey, particularly to this song. "The more you ignore me, the closer i get"
The more you ignore me The closer I get You're wasting your time, Beware ! I bear more grudges Than lonely high court judges When you sleep I will creep Into your thoughts Like a bad debt That you can't pay Take the easy way And give in Yeah, and let me in. 
That song just explained everything. By the third day, i couldn't breathe anymore. I need to do something to clear the air, So I gave him a blackberry message, he said he's out of town visiting friend. Well i was a little disappointed because he didn't even tell me that he's going. But at least i know that he's still alive. I didn't want to intrude so i gave him time. So after 2 days, I saw him online on msn. So i said hi, he told me that he's back in Sydney. well, gave him a call. I guess i shouldn't started playing games with him because either way, i will lose. It was definitely a test for me for how much do i like him. 


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