Sunday, October 17, 2010

The droughts

Sometimes, I don't get lucky at all for a period of time. Try 2 months without any physical contact with anyone, life could be very frustrating. I think about passionate actions all the time during that period, at the most unimaginable places where when someone look at your pants it could be very embarrassing. Well, no one has ever caught me with a wood inside my pants, hopefully no one ever will. When I am in drought, I get really frustrated, sexually and emotionally. I feel that i'm having mood swings. I feel like shit and a failure for not getting any. Well i guess it's my nature of a man to feel that way when he has got the milk for free, he wants to have some more and more. My first port of call is the internet, i try different sites and some iphone applications. I hunt for the guys that i like from their profile. My criteria is someone older, okay looking, not a psycho, clean from diseases, prefer to do it safely  no sexual fetish, prefer or doesn't mind a guy like me physically and last thing is no string attached or fuck buddy potential. No emotional feelings or baggage to carry. If a woman has monthly visitor, a guy like me has one too. The strong urge to do it come once a month, mostly on the stressful days where I have to juggle the time between university studies, friends and fulfilling sexual needs. Finding a guy from the internet is not an easy task at all. it takes skills and courage. It's not the matter of auditioning a guy but also waiting for a guy to approach you back. sometimes it could take up to 3 hrs or more ping-pong messages and endless chat. It's getting more and more frustrating. When the urge is fulfilled, I feel satisfied and powerful. It's a man inside of me feeling that way. the feeling will last until the frustration comes again and the cycle continues. When I don't get any i feel more and more frustrated, although self release is an option but not as great as if you have a piece of meat to do it for you. Now in search of self healing i want to break the cycle. I have put my profiles on some sites on hiatus. I will not look for anyone anymore. I need to break the cycle. I guess this self imposed abstinence will heal me and make me sane again. I just hope so.


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