Thursday, October 7, 2010


I think this is the first time in my life i've encounter something that is sweet and painful at the same time. and make it double the agony. I felt like shit earlier, The guy that i had been seeing for the past 8 months suddenly replied my second attempt of contacting him on facebook message. His name is Jay, he's also much older than me. I really like older guys, much older than me. We met during christmas time, It was the loneliest time ever for me. I never really enjoyed the holidays anymore after i grew up and my family fell apart. Jay contacted me on #siteG, i rarely opened my inbox on that site but i was lucky, it was a weeks before christmas, He said hi first. on his profile he described that he put chemistry, so I figured that i need to play my cards right, after all most of the dates that i have either ends p nowhere or on the bed, I gave it a try see how this "chemistry" going. After exchanging backgrounds informations and availability we agreed to meet up the week after. I had a little fling with this young guy two days in a row before i met him for the first time, but that's another story. He texted me to check whether we still meeting up, I wasn't really into it because i was exhausted to be with a guy 2 days in a row, I almost cancelled but I ended up didn't because after all he just wanted to check out the chemistry, as what he stated in his profile. I met him for the first time on O street where he lives nearby. We agreed to have coffee in public but i wanted to be a little more discreet. We ended up having a drink at his place followed by early dinner at a very nice pizza place nearby. I did the check dance, he payed the bill. back at his place, 3 drinks, a pizza, 5 cigarettes later and a background check later, we had the chemistry to take it to the physical level. He had been single for 10 years. The last relationship didn't work out because of distance. I didn't want anything or expect so much of it after all we were just having fun. I left my bracelet at his place unintentionally. So i picked it up and we were started to seeing each other. Nothing serious just casual fun. Both of us comforted each other. The chemistry was there, but i wasn't thinking to move it forward so did he. We watched tv shows, made out on the couch, just what couples do without any intricacy. I loved the feeling to be around him, very soothing and comforting yet no fuss. When i was away overseas we always contacted each other, nothing too excessively just the right amount. We were seeing each other couple of times before we were really busy, both of us. The last time i saw him, we didn't do any physical activities and he told me that he had been seeing someone, but at that time i thought it was nothing serious because first, he'd been single and I also met someone else. We talked like a friend but i also felt the comfort. I went overseas again after our last meeting. When i was back i texted him, and he replied but not interested in meeting me. I forgot about him until he crossed my mind again around August. I messaged him, he didn't reply. 2 weeks ago, I started to think about him again, to make it worst, I saw him on the street, I didn't recognize him at first but i did recognized his t-shirt. but He was too far for him to chase and It would be awkward as he was with his friends. I messaged him again, but he didn't reply. On facebook, i stalked him and he was invited to this event, a single mixer. he commented that on that page that he was surprised that he found someone and he couldn't even believe it. I has a bit heartbroken but i never really thought about it. I moved on. Then my sweet escape came along and I was back in the city. yesterday i had a drama with myself and i got over it. Well, on the way to see my best friend M for dinner, jay finally replied my message. he told me that the relationship with the guy that he has been seeing is now getting serious. I was just heartbroken when i heard that also adding the drama yesterday, i was in an emotional mess. Thank god my best friend came into rescue over dinner. She advised me about stuff and I think the best thing now is just to forget about him. I just have to move on. I guess i will be happy if he found someone that i hoped it was me but I have to be happy for him. after 10 years he finally get what he wanted. I hope the best for him. I don't think i will ever reply his message. It will sound so cheap and desperate, Maybe i will keep in touch with him later, but not at this near moment. I need to get my heart fixed quickly before i get on my feet again.



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