Wednesday, October 6, 2010

When was the last time you did something for the first time?

The title of the post refers to new experiences. Last week i did something wonderful and exciting for the first time, and i couldn't remember i did something new. It involves an escape with another city with a special someone. Let me call him Mr. Big. I met him around 5 months ago. We met on the net, he said hi, so i said hi back and clearly we were interested in each other. At that time, all i could think of just a full physical relationship maybe friendship and nothing more. I was so sure that i didn't want anything more. I was lonely yet I felt that my life was complete. I was totally wrong. Now I want intimacy, I always keep my options open and now i've never been this lonely ever in my entire life. Back to Mr. Big, he is way much older than me, the age difference does not turn me off, It does turn me on and He is from Italian background and grew up somewhere near where i live in now. The chemistry was there when i first met him but i never really think of him that much not until yesterday where I felt that I fell for him. I guess this is also the first time i feel this way I don't know why but maybe the combination of having too much fun and full intimacy made me feel this way and I just couldn't describe the word for this feeling. It is bittersweet, It makes me smile and grin whenever i think about it or him but also at the same time It made me heartbroken. I spend almost a week in Melbourne, He suggested to come with him on our 3rd date. It was an offer that change my life completely. At first, I always think about going to Melbourne, alone as i have my best friend there and That's my first intention and priority to see him. I just couldn't resist the offer. I forced myself bought the ticket even though my finances weren't so good. It was the best decision i've ever made to have a sweet escape out of Sydney. I came down 2 days earlier than him. He wanted to buy me the ticket but i couldn't let him do it for the the sake of my so-called principle. I told him just to cover some expenses and we take turns on meals. The first 2 days in Melbourne was amazing. I just love it. and seeing my best friend for more than a year and hanging out with him just made my trip. Then he came along on my 3rd day. We spent the night at his hotel, I've never really have a sleep over or sharing a bed and sleeping with a guy before. It was my first time. We slept naked, we cuddled, and We made love in the morning. The next day, we had breakfast and I treated him. i didn't want him to get the wrong idea of him being my sugar daddy. Well, he's older after-all but i want it to be equal. we was impressed with the gesture and I always played the check dance before we paid the bill for meals. He upgraded our room into a suite for us to make us felt more comfortable. He is too polite yet he has mood swings. I felt lost yet i love being around him and I hope he felt the same way too. Just afraid to lose him or lose the good feeling. I should be strong because he might have just used me and I used him. The emotional challenge about this is very new and the game is getting harder.

I remember the first time i met him, We agreed that our relationship is strictly physical with a touch of friendship and intimacy. I agreed. He was so sweet and I was really impressed when he baked me my favorite desert, the rhubarb crumble after we did it. I just hope that he's still around when my options are much more open. because I would love to repeat the same experience over and over again. just too bad if he won't think of it the same way as i do and just disappear.

A god friend of mine who gives this kind of advice told me to Forget about him completely and the experience or just keep the experience to get over these things quickly. It's just something i need to do because i need to move on. realistically, I don't think being in a relationship with him is not an option at this moment, not impossible nor feasible but We have baggages. And I just need to move on quickly yet i still want to remember the whole experience. so choose the latter option. I just hope i made the right decision



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